An ancient earth-mother's advice on Bonnaroo survival

This was sent to a male friend of mine. It's written by an old friend of ours who spent many years attending music festivals in a variety of states of altered conciousness. I think her wise words are worth passing on.


Hey Dude. Cool that you're going to Bonnaroo! Hope you don't mind some earth-motherly advice about having a good time. Here's a few tips I learned over the years.

If a giant white rabbit climbs into your sleeping bag, ignore it. Close your eyes and repeat Ohm over and over. It will disappear within an hour.

If you get paranoid hide in a Porta-potty or outhouse. Take off all your clothes. Light incense and contemplate your navel. Is it an innie or outie? Think about what that says about the kind of person you are?

If you think you have suddenly discovered THE answer to the universe, immediately find a friend and tell her how many hits of acid you've eaten.

If you get the feeling you can fly--don't try it. Tie your feet to a tree if you have to.

If music makes your skin swirl with rainbow colors that's fine--dig it.

Don't try to explain mysterious things, like how the miraculously small tubular antenna on tree moss have started singing Beatle songs for instance. No one will care how beautiful they are. Also never eat any thing like that either.

You will know you are suffering sleep deprivation if colors start to run together. If red oozes into green. If blue swirls into white. This means the cones in your eyes are beginning to go. Always carry a dollar bill along and check it often. If the colors on it are running and bleeding together, see a medic. After about 3 days of sleep this condition usually goes away.

Remember, if you make love with a tattooed earth goddess with long flowing hair you might accidentally discover Tantric sex. That's a religious experience that is very dangerous. First you enter into some kind of state where your body and her body dissolve and become one. Then you realize that you have somehow left the planet and you're in outer space heading straight for God (or whatever that THING is). An orgasm in this state can make you feel like your head is exploding. Stars might come out. This can be a dangerous situation or it can push your evolution forward by several years. Some people think it's worth taking a chance. Others take a vow of chastity before they enter Bonnaroo grounds. If you're Baptist, I suggest you choose the later.

Have fun, Dude! Call me when you come down (or get home),
The Old Hippy Lady in the Mountains